Don’t stop appreciating what you have. There is always, always something to be grateful for. Yes, today that sounds like a cliché and a platitude. You are tired, you are most likely in some sort of pain or discomfort and you feel lonely and scared. In those moments when you feel like “no one gets it”, remember that this is not true. Your have met people who do get it, and just because right now you are exhausted emotionally and can’t cope with social situations, that does not mean you can’t eventually, when you are ready, reach out and find comfort in those people.
Those around you do care and love you. But no, they don’t get it. They can’t. That is not their fault. But they are doing their best and you are too, so be gentle on all of you. And be genuine. If people ask how you are, you can choose to placate them with a “fine” but then you choose to shut them out when what you need most of all today is to let them in. “Today is a bad day”. “I could use a hug/ cup of tea/ shoulder to cry on/ an ear to rant into” are all equally valid responses.
And equally, remember (and if there is going to be any area in which you exert yourself at all, this is the one to choose – not the tidying, or the trying to stay awake, but the remembering) that there are still, even today, myriad things for which you are grateful. List them. Do it now. And when you get to 30, stop a moment and smile. And then, if you can summon the energy, find another 30. If you can’t summon the energy then number 31 is done for you – a bed in which to go rest; 32 – a family that understands that bed is where you need to be right now; 33 – the self-awareness and emotional intelligence to do what is right for you right at this moment; 34 – tomorrow, and the hope that it might be better, and if it isn’t then the next day could be. Because better days will come. And when they do, and you don’t need this letter anymore, or the lists, then write a new letter. Take the time on the good days to reflect and record how those days feel. But today, just for now, for as long as you need to, just rest, and know that that is okay.